Fat Kid Goes Hiking: McLane Creek 05.30.16

Well, it's the unofficial start of summer 2016. I always joke that I don't hike, I walk; I don't walk, I mosey. With that in mind, I decided to start "Fat Kid Goes Hiking." I enjoy getting out in nature, looking at wildlife like birds, amphibians, and reptiles. I also enjoy looking at the plants and attempting to identify them. It's a special treat to enjoy them with my love.

Today, Kyle and I went for an easy hike at McLane Creek. I thought it was funny that they call it McLane Creek because you're actually hiking around a beaver pond and don't see much of the creek at all.

 

We saw dragonflies, red-wing blackbirds, a juvenile marsh wren, newts (we thought they were salamanders, at first), garter snakes, and ducks. 

As we walked along, happy to be in each other's company, we shared about recent hiccups in our relationship and how we could meet both of our needs going forward. Sharing like this, with vulnerability and intention, is very important to me. Taking this time away, to a place where the only thing that needed to get done was to see all the beauty, was a perfect respite to bring up the hiccups and work through them with kindness and love, as well as making room for revisions if our strategies didn't work how we needed them to work.

Sharing emotional closeness also turns me on and encourages me to share physical/sexual closeness. We had some exciting quicky-sex along the trail, as you do, or maybe that's just us.  We took the shorter loop (0.6 miles) that stays close to the pond and there is one viewing platform just to the pond side of the path. Because it is the railway trail, it is long and straight, so it is very easy for you to keep watch to either side and put yourselves together before anyone gets close enough to see what you're doing.

This trail was well shaded, no elevation gain, and relatively short. It was an easy hike for this Fat Kid and I recommend it!

The Root Issue: You Don't See Me

I love discussions with Kyle. One thing that has come up recently is the idea of our chosen people not seeing us, or vital parts of us, and how it is still painful months, and sometime YEARS later.

Looking back on my previous three relationships, the thing that hurt most of all was not actually the lack of sex, which is one of my needs. It was the way my partners didn't see me. My sex drive was abnormal and less valuable than other forms of intimacy.

In monogamous relationships, the person with the higher sex drive is the one who must compromise, because consent is paramount. No one should be forced into sex. And this is where it gets tricky and people think the issue is all about sex.

In my experience, I complained about the lack of sex. Yet, the true hurt was how I was shamed for my desire. The hurt was my lack of visibility in the relationship. The hurt revolved around part of me being so disdained that it grew to disdain of all of me. My partners were not okay with a core part of who I am, which is why all those relationships ended. It's like, "I love all of you, except that one thing." What that really means is "I don't love you at all."

People are whole beings. We have amazingly complicated lives. We have more facets than you can imagine and if you can't accept the whole person, if you can't love the whole person, then you don't truly love them. This doesn't mean my partners had to have sex with me more often. It means they had to acknowledge and love me, as I am, even if they did not want to have sex with me. It also means that I have to acknowledge and love them, as they are, even if they did not want to have sex with me.

This is a topic I revisit cyclically, this not being seen and loved for my high sex drive self. Each time I revisit, I draw parallels to other ways of not being seen, of not being valued with a focus on gender and sexual orientation. Right now, I am watching a friend of mine trying to forge their path, making compromise after compromise because his partner cannot see his gender, refuses to see his gender, because of reasons only she knows. I project my experiences onto what I see because it is so close to my heart and I ache for him. All I can do is reassure him that I see him, because anything more wouldn't be helpful. I wonder if that is enough.

Playing Outside the Lines

One thing that Kyle and I do is kink. We are both masochists and both sadists and we play well together. We have many of the same kinks. We have nearly 18  months of playing well together.

I revel in kinky play with romantic partners. So much so, that prior to this past weekend, I cannot recall an actual scene that I have played outside of romantic partnership. This may seem normative, or maybe not. I guess it depends on your lived experience.

But getting back to the point of this post...When Kyle and I attended KinkFest 2016, I volunteered at the check-in desk. I love the energy of it. All the people, so excited for all the classes and the dungeon and the parties and the vendor mall. It's beautiful and amazing and awesome. I always meet awesome folx and this year I met The Violinist. Our eyes connected and we met with matching smiles, wicked and joyous, covered in glitter, perhaps a recognition...perhaps not. We shared a charming interlude as I completed the check in process.

The Violinist possesses an energy that draws me in. As the weekend progressed, we saw each other here and there. I watched for a bit while they played in the dungeon. I took note when they were nearby. My smile was always met with a smile when our eyes met, the spark evident in the twinkle of our eyes. After the weekend, we connected as people often do, on social media. We chatted about this and that, including our desire to know each other better, and perhaps connect.

Last weekend, we connected up north, after dizzying rounds of

Haiku Kink Courting
Sharing art and desire and
Curiosity

I played outside the lines. I broke open the place where I had been hiding. I broke the seal. It was the first time I played outside of the lines and I made some mistakes. When we're trying a new activity, we often make mistakes.

• I didn't know all of what I needed for aftercare.
• I hadn't communicated that bilateral evenness of impact is important to me. The more intense the impact, the more important the evenness.
• I didn't ask what The Violinist needed for aftercare.

All in all, I took some great lessons away from our play session. I like stinging more than thuddy. I like hard thud, the kind that will move my body. I like that my body feels like a fine instrument in their hands.

I'm excited to continue this new path and learning the things that making playing outside the lines easier as time passes and I gain more experience.

Update, because it's been a while.

HOT DAMN! I have the internet again!

I'm swimming through my apartment, the humid day reminiscent of Florida, but only just barely. I know I was hotter and sweatier in Florida than I am here.

My ex-wife has moved to the area with her newest child and our child, so Baby Femme is closer to me. It has made our custody arrangement much more flexible and more manageable. It has also freed up about 30 hours per month, which I am using to recharge and venture further out in my dating and kink adventures.

Kyle and I attended KinkFest this in March of this year. Many thanks to The Knife for the use of her apartment as a landing pad. As I did in 2011, I volunteered at the check-in desk, and met many delightful people in the process. I thrive on that job. I love it like crazy! Also, I was introduced to many of the presenters, which is also fabulous.  I always want to do that job! Always!!!

We also paid a visit to BSPC in Bellingham last week for Daddy Crone's whip intensive, delish! We followed the class with a visit to CSPC for the Blood, Sweat, and Queers party. I love a switch night, which this was. I don't generally restrain Kyle when whack him with my tools. I like him to have freedom to move as necessary. I  also like the extra work it takes him to not strike back.  We had a great time and I anticipate a recap to be published over at Kyle's blog, Butchtastic.net in the near future.

That's about it for now.

Thanks for reading.