Monday, February 13, 2017

Valentine's Day and Romance

I struggled with this day for a very long time. In the years that I did not have a lover as well as the years when I did have a lover.  The ads are filled with red and pink and flowers and chocolates and jewelry and cards and stuffed animals and things sweet, though mostly saccharine.

Romance is so much more than a simple set of items on a to-do list, not that you might know that based on books like “1001 Ways to Be Romantic” by Gregory J.P. Godek and “Relationships for Dummies” by Kate. M. Wachs. Romance is highly personal. The best way to romance your love is by paying attention to the things which are valuable to them. That isn’t always easy if they think they
should be impressed by all the saccharine sweetness. I know I was highly impressed by the saccharine well into my thirties.

Recognizing romance isn’t always easy. When my lover sets up my coffee to brew fresh in the morning, I find it romantic. It is romantic to me is because I can smell the coffee before I get out of bed and be reminded of my lover and his love for me.

Alternately, my lover’s wife put down wood chips in the area where he normally parks at their home AND she drove over them with her car to set them in place so he could use the area to park again. He had been parking on the street for nearly a month because it was so muddy in his usual spot.  THAT is also romantic. She took the time to do something valuable to for him. It was kind. It showed an intimate knowledge of his values.

So remember, romancing your partner is personal, intimate, and loving. Also, romancing your partner can happen year round and not just on February 14th.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Today, I introduce you to my unreliable narrator: I hate my brain.

I feel like we have this conversation frequently. I'm struggling with some facet of our relationship. It's really just normal relationship stuff; nothing terrible. I bring it up, because keeping it inside sucks and rattles around in my brain going from struggle thoughts to hurricane thoughts.

We have a quickly devolving conversation over text.

I feel stupid and frustrated and broken and decide to take a break from conversation. I rearrange the furniture several times. I calm down. You send an email, because you don't know what to do.  I feel more stupid and more broken.

I don't even have the words to tell you what I want, yet.

I try to front load that information. Sometimes I fail. You get confused and it is no wonder...because I'm broken and stupid.

I don't have a network to absorb schedule snafus. That is my fault.

I am envious that you do have a network that comes from living in the same small town for over 50 years. That is my fault.

It's been 2 years. I haven't developed my own network. That is my fault.

I don't really know what I want from you; it changes. Sometimes, I want acknowledgment that I am having a hard time.
Acknowledgment
-acceptance of the truth or existence of something.
And sometimes, I want acknowledgment that I am having a hard time.
Acknowledgment
-the action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.
I think these two things are very similar, or at least subtly different. I feel that about 80% of the time, I'm looking for one or the other. I'm likely wrong; for obvious reasons.