Thursday, December 29, 2016

NY NY Second Post: Intermediate Goals to Meet Your Big Goals

So, while I am still in process of cleaning house, the main part of my work space is sparkly clean and better organized. I have asked Kali, Brigid, and יהוה to help me let go of my big rock so I can dive deeper, expand as needed, and go forth.

Go forth into what? Witchery, relating, and learning. Those are the three big goals for this year. One thing they all hold in common is the need for patience and organization.

I referred to Refinery29's article, New Year Resolution Ideas By Zodiac Sign 2017 Horoscope, written by Sara Coughlin based on information from Chani Nicholas and the Astrotwins, Tali and Ophira Edut. Capricorn is my Sun sign and Leo is my rising sign.

Capricorn: Be patient

Fess up, Cap — you hate it when things don't go according to plan. As the taskmaster of the Zodiac, you struggle to go with the flow sometimes, but next year is the time to give that a try. We won't make you relinquish control completely (because what Goat could do that?), but we will urge you to give everyone around you — and yourself — a little more wiggle room. Surprises are not the end of the world. They're just an opportunity for you to show off that quick Capricorn wit.

Leo: Get organized

“If you have your sun, moon, or ascendant in Leo or Aquarius, chances are this year will bring about an increase in activity in terms of what you are working on, developing, and healing within yourself," Nicholas said. In other words, now's the time to clean house, Leo. Rather than fueling the chaos (which, let's be honest, is sometimes your wont), hit the brakes and take stock of your goals, needs, and plans for the next year. Once 2017 is in full swing, you'll be ready to proceed full-speed ahead.

This could be your year — as long as you're prepared to receive it. 
In following NYNY, I need to break down the goals in to bite sized pieces, figure out the magic I want to use, use divination to suss out paths to success, and work with my spirits to help identify what is blocking you from your goal. <sarcasm> SUPER EASY! </sarcasm>

DID I MENTION I'M NEW AT THIS? However, I've been easing into these writing prompts, having already started thinking on them before I even read the prompt. So, I'll just jump in with the assumption that I'm doing this "right."

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Making Bread, Making Magic.

I am not a patient person. When it looks like I'm patient, it just means that I got distracted. The perfect example of this? The Christmas Cookie labels that I said I would get for Kyle. I said I would get them last year, or may be the year before. I worked on it for a few weeks, got distracted, and didn't think about it again until just last week, when my Christmas Cookie Tin arrived, with it's old label and Kyle's dead name.

Getting into my kitchen Witchery, I think a necessary skill is baking bread. Which any gluten free/intolerant/allergic Witch could tell you is ridiculous. And the they would be correct.

I think it is a necessary skill for me, as it is a skill that I have decided to learn to help me cultivate patience. I'm working the bread like I work magic. While I know that statement is true, I'm not really sure what it means. I don't think I work magic like others do. I just know I'm magic and the statement sounds factually correct.

So today, I am making the challah from America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook. It's a milchig challah, because all the bread in this book has to have milk in it (makes a very tender loaf). Jewish challah recipes are pareve, so you can serve it with meat or dairy. I don't keep kosher, but I think about it when I eat. I'm not sure why. I like the idea of thinking on our food, though the rules of kashrut don't make sense to me. I'm sure there were reasons. I'm not convinced that the projection of our current food concerns back on the past decisions is accurate. I think the laws were less about food safety and more about encouraging appropriate behavior. 

Right now, the challah is almost finished with the first rising.

...

and just became Cinnamon Raisin Rolls.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

NY NY, First Post, I'm a Beginner

I've been feeling a pull to my Witchy side, which is not to be confused with my Jew-ish side, although they might be working together on this.

Because of my recent involvement with some Witch friends, I was introduced to Deborah M. Castellano and her blog, Charmed, I'm Sure.

Last night was the Winter Solstice. As I was totally wiped out from last weekend and all the shenanigans, I didn't let my candle burn down all the way. So this morning, I lit it again. I started to straighten up my apartment. I started recycling holiday cards I would never use, while saving the envelopes for my child, who loves sending letters, or at least writing them.  I was trying to make some space so I could do the thing: the first prompt for New Year, New You: NY NY: Making Way.

And of course, as I sat down to read it, I realized that I had already started. More than that, I had started at the "right time" of a waning moon, and also on a fucking Wednesday. Which is more synchronicity in a space of time where such synchronicities are happening in rapid succession with so many of the people in my life.

The suggested deities are listed as: Ganesha, Janus, Kali, Eostre, Bridget. I'm not sure what that means. However, whenever I hear/read "Kali" I mentally finish it with "the destroyer." That seems important. And I'm Irish, so any time I hear/read Bridget, I think of my mental images of Ireland, which feels like home. So, I guess I have some deities to hang with on this.

So, I'm not sure what doing this will get me, and I'm mostly just looking for clarity in my life path.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Making Choices

I choose you.
I said that to Kyle last year, on the way home from a concert.
I was sharing my experience of getting divorced. I felt at once excited by the possibilities of the new perception I had of my life, while feeling devastated at the loss of my marriage which I have viewed as my single largest life failure.
I have not felt that I was free to make my own decisions, to forge my own path, to go my own way. This divorce has altered my perception because I now realize that those things have always been true.
I have spent so much of my life scapegoating my house or my wife or my job or my family or my debt or anything other than myself for being trapped in an unhappy life circumstance.
With Kyle I do not share a home. I do not share finances. I do not share children. I do not have any of the societal trappings/regalia/indicators of a relationship with him. And without those things I would have been tempted to feel that we don't have a "real" relationship.
And yet I am tied to him as surely as I have ever been tied to anyone.
I choose this relationship, every single day.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Infidelity in Polyamorous Relationships

fi·del·i·ty

noun: fidelity
faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.


Antonyms for fidelity

  • disloyalty
  • faithlessness
  • inconstancy
  • lying
  • treachery
  • unsteadiness
  • vacillation
  • wavering
  • infidelity

When our culture thinks of infidelity, they are generally thinking of sexual infidelity of monogamous relationships. In a monogamous relationship, one of the default relationship agreements is that you don't have sex with anyone other than your monogamous partner.

When you are involved in polyam relationships, ideally you would create your relationship agreements with with your partner. Perhaps you would take time to reassess periodically, shoring up or changing agreements which no longer work for you and your partner.

You would think polyam agreements would be easy to keep. After all, you were both clear about what you could agree to, right? However, these agreements are not any easier to keep than any other relationship agreements and these agreements do get broken. When these agreements are broken, trust has been broken. You or your partner has broken faith with what you have created together. Sometimes it is a small thing. Other times it is a big thing. It is always subjective. Regardless, it is betrayal; it is infidelity.

As a culture, we are very sensitive to sexual infidelity, so much so that we forget that there are other ways to betray the people we love.

What are ways you have been betrayed? How have you sorted through it? Did you recover, and how did that work for you? Please comment and share your experiences with me.