This is th third time this week that I have had a dream that was nothing but heavy processing. Do you know the kind? How when you wake up, it is always too early, and you are always too tired, because the dream itself was so much work?
The focus on this dream? My relationship with Sister-Friend.When we were 21, we moved to Columbus, OH. We got jobs, made messes, I left after a year to come home to the PNW.
Four years ago, she and I had a talk. Things were especially fraught between us. She unloaded nearly 20 years of frustrations revolving around my behaviors, specifically all the things I had done in the previous 3 or 4 years that she felt were especially fucked up. I still think about that conversation. I still think about how unfair it felt. I still feel angry because she justified it by saying her therapist said it was ok.
I agree that her feelings are valid.
I think that her break up could have been kinder.
I still miss her sometimes. Not often, but when the missing her does strike, I ache so deeply in my heart I don't have a way to describe it. I spent over half my life being friends with her, though as time moves on, this statement becomes less true.
I've not been willing to open up like that with anyone else, and no one else knows those years of my life like she does. Maybe I miss the joint history, I'm not really sure.
I am certain that today I ache.
all the hugs and all the loves. Yes, her feelings were/are valid. And so are yours. I hold you tender next to my heart.
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