Most folks don't believe me. They are wrong. No one does anything without some sort of benefit. It might be a short-sighted, or short term, benefit, but there always a benefit.
When I say I want Kyle to be happy, it's not for him, and he knows it. He knows it because I tell him. I want him to be happy because it makes my life easier; it makes my life better.
If he is having a rough week, that impacts me. I get less time, less attention, less sex, less fun. That sucks.
I also want Mrs. Kyle to be happy. It's not for her, but she doesn't know it. We don't don't do kitchen table polyamory, so we don't talk about things like that. However, it is true. When she is unhappy, then Kyle is unhappy, and then I get less time, less attention, less sex, less fun. That sucks.
I don't want my life to suck. I don't want to have to deal with a bunch of stupid shit that has nothing to do with me. So I want both of them to be happy, because then MY LIFE IS EASIER.
While I appreciate your honesty, this makes my heart sad a little.
ReplyDeleteI think love can go beyond how it benefits ourselves. I am crazy lucky to be loved by someone who truly wants my happiness, even if what makes me happy isn't what makes her happy. I think that love can transcend self interest. Seeing someone I love happy brings me great joy.
I think we're saying the same thing. I want Kyle's happiness because he's beautiful when he's happy. I do derive joy from that.
DeleteAND my life is easier. Considering all the stuff going on, having my romantic relationship be easy is high on my list of priorities.
Also, I don't want love to transcend self-interest.
Taking care of ourselves is a radical act. Being honest and transparent about our motivations can create a depth not otherwise present.