Evolution of Thought: Accountability

This post is an evolution of thought regarding my original post.

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I’ve been thinking more about accountability. It is incredibly important to me to be accountable for my actions, so I am still chewing on this incident of boundary stomping.

As I often do, I discussed the incident with The Knife.  She is one of two people that I can 100% rely on to say what she means, and mean what she says. She doesn’t pull punches just because we’re friends (see the bruise on my left arm if you have questions about that.) In the discussion that ensued, one thing that came up is the idea that it is not unreasonable to expect that people to state their boundaries and/or expectations.

In reviewing the incident in my mind, I realized that I failed to state my expectations. I could have stated my boundaries, but let’s face it, I live with BPD, I don’t really have boundaries. I definitely have expectations, though.

So, for the record:

1. I expect that you will say what you mean.
2. I expect that you will mean what you say.
3. I expect that you will own your boundaries and expectations, even if they are informed by outside influences and/or people.
4. If we are friends, I care about you. I care about your boundaries and expectations. I am curious about the things that inform your boundaries and expectations. Even though I am curious about those things, as an insight into you and your personhood, I don’t give a shit about them outside of how they impact you.
5. I expect that if you are triggered by my actions, you will remember that your triggers are your responsibility, just like my triggers are my responsibility.  By all means, please let me know. I am more than willing to take note of them, so I can either warn you or avoid that issue altogether.  I also ask that you take the time to remember that if I haven’t been made aware of your triggers ahead of time, I cannot take any action to avoid them.

In conclusion, the evolution of my thought process leaves me with the following:

I’m not going to ask about boundaries and expectations. As adults, it is our responsibility to share them with the people we meet and make relationships with.

I will state my expectations more clearly, in the hopes that people who can meet my expectations will hang around and those that can’t meet my expectations will self-select out of my friendship circle. This is the life lesson I will carry with me and I will integrate it, and live it.