My Gender Identity Doesn't Need Your Validation

Genderfluid. I like to type it all as one word. I feel that my gender is shifty, centering on the middle of the road between masculine and feminine. I made the decision to obtain testosterone therapy because it will result in the physical changes I am seeking.  I’m seeking more noticeable facial hair, a deeper voice, and a larger click. I want my physical body to match up with my gender identity. I will still wear make-up and dresses on occasion. I don’t want to be a man or even mostly masculine; I’m not going to have a mastectomy. I want to be as close to the middle as I can make myself. There will be other things that come along with the use of T, and I decided that I want my changes more than I don’t want things like changed fat distribution, increased muscle mass, and possible hair loss.

I’ve been getting feedback from friends and family regarding my choice to seek Testosterone therapy to bring my physical body more in alignment with my gender. They are concerned that they have never known anyone to just come out as genderfluid in their 40s. All the narratives they are familiar with seem to start with, “I knew back when I was a kid that I was trans*.” They don’t understand. They think this is sudden. They feel that this goes against the person they knew before. I was so feminine. How could I just flip a switch and cut off all my hair and then start wearing “masculine” clothing like that is who I have been all along?

The common narrative is just COMMON. It isn’t the ONLY narrative. There are as many ways to be trans* as there are trans* people.  I didn’t feel a need to shift at 40. I could fit in the box that I had made for myself. It was roomy and comfortable. Six months ago, my world turned upside down and I decided that I didn’t want to be in a box, no matter how comfortable. Living my experience as it comes to me and being as fully me as I can be is important.

I DON’T KNOW AND DON’T CARE IF I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

I DECIDED AT 41 THAT GENDERFLUID IS AN IDENTITY THAT FITS ME.

YES, I DECIDED.

Read that once more.

CHOOSING MY GENDER IDENTITY DOESN’T INVALIDATE MY GENDER IDENTITY.

Being genderfluid is not a disease. There is no need to search for the cause that has this identity as the result. There is no reason to pathologize my choice.

This is who I am and I accept myself and all my identities.