I Hate Reciprocal Sex!

Reciprocal sex is overrated and has no place in adult sexuality.

Read it again. I really wrote that.

You might disagree with my statement, so let's start with some definitions.

Reciprocity
: a situation or relationship in which two people or groups agree to do something similar for each other, to allow each other to have the same rights, etc. : a reciprocal arrangement or relationship ¹

Equality
: the quality or state of being equal ²

Equal
: the same in number, amount, degree, rank, or quality
: having the same mathematical value
: not changing : the same for each person³

I want to have sex. More so, I want to partake in the myriad sexual activities that individuals and groups devise with their desires. I want to strap on and fuck your holes with my cock. I want to feel a mouth on my click, sucking and biting. I want to feel my fingers fuck your ass, all warm and tight. I want to open my cunt for your cock, your fingers, your tongue, your fist. I want to use my teeth and claws to bruise and hurt you.

Please notice that none of these sexual activities are the same for each person. I want to get what I want and I want you and the others to get what you want. "I'll suck your click if you suck mine" doesn't really work for me and I'm not certain how it works for anyone. I don't want reciprocal sex; I want equitable sex.

Equitable
: just or fair : dealing fairly and equally with everyone⁴ 

Some people conflate reciprocal sex with active sex. I like being the recipient of  penetrative sex. I prefer to be actively receptive. There are others out there who are passively receptive, and they are awesome! If you aren't engaging in the type of sexual activity you enjoy, then talk with your partner. Being direct and upfront about your preferences is the best way to ensure that you will engage in sex that ROCKS YOUR WORLD.

This whole post was started by a conversation I had with an acquaintance who was complaining about "pillow princesses" and how they never told this person ahead of time that they didn't like reciprocal sex and also by a blog written by my friend The Knife, who identifies as stone butch.

"So what does Stone mean to me? It means that I don't take my boxer briefs off, and I don't get touched anywhere that's covered by my boxer briefs. I don't orgasm with other people. For the record, many years ago, I did try all the things that everyone else seems to like, and I hated them. My sexual boundaries are open for discussion, but they're non-negotiable. It doesn't matter who you are, or how much I love you. I don't do that. Sex for me is not an unequal trade. Rather, it's an exchange of currencies. What I give to you, and what I take from you are different, but they are of equal worth."

When I read over this, I am offended on her behalf because she has to justify her boundaries. I find this absolutely repugnant. Also, I find this passage highly inspiring. It reminds is that there is more than one kind of sexual exchange, and that is okay!

So get out there, stop expecting reciprocal sex and start asking for what you want and what you desire. Take hold of the reins of your sex life and ride off into your sunset.

1. "Reciprocal." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 22 July 2015. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/reciprocal>.
2. "Equal." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 22 July 2015. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/equal>.
3. "Equality." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 22 July 2015. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/equality>.
4. "Equitable." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 22 July 2015. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/equitable>.