Non-Monogamy For Monogamous Folks, Part 1: Resources.

Recently, I received a request from a friend of mine regarding polyamory. She found herself dating a gentleman, who was dating another woman and planned to keep dating both of them. Her default was to hand him his walking papers, because that's what women are conditioned to do in the United States. She asked for blogs and other resources so she could dig into it. She was concerned that she was setting herself up for heartbreak.

I think it safe to say for many folks over the age of 3, heartbreak is a part of life. We often try to insure against it as we age because it is so painful. After two divorces and numerous breakups, I think it's pretty safe to say that monogamy is NOT insurance against heartbreak.

If you find yourself in similar circumstances, you can refer to my list of non-monogamy resources:

• Black and Poly founded by Ron Young 
• Polysingleish by Mel Mariposa 
• Relationship Assumptions at MoreThanTwo.com by Franklin Veaux 
• Kimchi Cuddles by Tikva Wolf 
• Polyamory Diaries by Sara Burrows 

You might notice that "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy is not on the list and neither is Franklin Veaux's book, "More Than Two." You might notice there aren't any books at all. There is a reason for that. Books are snapshots for places in time. I think that is useful for fiction and less so for non-fiction. Updating is close to impossible. Bloggers have the ability to update easily as they go and also immediately redress mistakes.  I think that is important, especially when you are starting out, or find yourself in a relationship with a polyamorous/non-monogamous person.

There are plenty of other bloggers out there, talking about polyamory/non-monogamy. Use Google or your favorite search engine. Read first person accounts. Join groups on Facebook. Ultimately, it might not be ok for you. AND THAT IS OK! Do the research and figure out how you want to work your life.