On becoming a better person...

One of the things that I have been working on is stopping the angry word vomit that falls from my mouth when I'm hurt. I've made great strides in being able to identify when it's coming, similar to being able to yell, "Take Cover!"

When I am hurt, I feel the heat and the pressure build inside me, all the feelings swirling and bubbling. In an effort to stifle and avoid the outburst, I focus on "don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. don't say THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS."

That focus is not effective. I manage to avoid shouting THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS. And they still come out a few minutes later, fueled by my slightly more controlled anger and hurt. Maybe you can see why.

With Science Of Mind*, the main teaching is that the Universe doesn't hear the negations around a sentence. The Universe picks up the focus, which is "THOSE HURTFUL, UNKIND, WORDS." I am no longer surprised that I haven't controlled the outbursts better, even though I can see more clearly that they are on the way.

With this realization, I feel hopeful that I can stop the outbursts. Because now that I KNOW what I'm doing, I can more effectively redirect my focus in those moments. I can redirect the outburst by focusing on "say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS. say all the LOVING WORDS."

Stumbling will happen even though I'm learning the new focus.

*SOM is a white people style of spirituality. It works best with privileged folks, as they generally don't have to fight the never-ending and violent background noise of oppression.