Today is September 14th. Five days from now is the first anniversary of Bad Boi's reading of her break up letter in our first and only marriage counseling session.
The divorce is nearly finalized and it has been a long time coming. Today, I signed and notarized the appropriate pages. I sent them to my attorney. I feel like a mess. I'm on the verge of tears, edging there like a slut begging for orgasmic release.
Cynthia Occelli wrote:
"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction."
While I understand this on an intellectual level, my heart and soul are crying out at the rending apart of this relationship.
While parts of me look forward to the horizon, these parts of me are sitting in a diner, eating my sadness in the form of cheese fries and a French dip sandwich. These parts of me are drinking bottomless cups of coffee, trying to validate my feelings and explain my pain on a cell phone while listening to Dar Williams.
Today, I stay here and honor the seed that I once was.
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